Sorry

I want to talk about the words…

Love means never having to say you’re sorry.

It’s from the movie Love Story. I have never seen this movie.

But I’ve thought a lot about the words…

In all of my relationships, I’m always saying sorry. Antonio is always saying sorry. Dan uses apologies like a little get out of jail free card. And I hate it.

So where does this “not having to say sorry” thing enter in?

I think it means a few things.

1. Love is unconditional. Love provides us a place of safety and comfort. When you’re with the people you love, you can relax. You can be yourself. You don’t need to live apologetically.
2. Love lifts us out of a selfish place and when we truly love, we treat one another with kindness and respect that means that apologies become unnecessary.
3. If a person who says they love us treats us with disrespect and unkindness, they most certainly owe us an apology.
4. If we treat someone we love with unkindness, we need to apologize.
5. But remember, Love, real love, means never having to say you’re sorry.

So maybe the issue is–if you want to use the words LOVE to describe your feelings for someone, you better be ready to live with love in your heart, mouth, hands, thoughts… It’s hard to believe love is really in your heart if you so easily hurt someone you profess to love.

I remember hearing these words as a young actor, “Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Tell me it’s never going to happen again.”

I try and say that to my kids. “Tell me it won’t happen again.”

But love also means creating a safe space for children to grow and fail, and grow, and fail, and grow, and fail again. I need to create the safe space for the kids to feel like they don’t owe us constant apologies.

So maybe Love means you’re allowed to keep trying. Love means I believe in you.

But still… I’m sick of the words, “I’m sorry.”

I’ll tell you one thing, I’ve been a flawed mess and Antonio hasn’t once made me feel like I owe him an apology for my lack of energy, joy, or housecleaning. His love is unapologetic and it requires no apologies from me. It’s pretty nifty.

There are people in this world that I feel like the moment I get close to them I have nothing to apologize for. I feel relaxed, at ease, and loved. Then there are people who make me feel like there’s nothing I can do to adequately deserve their love. I feel judged. I feel wrong. And I don’t think that’s love. I’m trying to learn the differences because I want to have a healthy, happy, and loving life.