Too Much to Tell

I’m sorry the writing has been as daily as I have meant it to be.

I have so much to be thankful for!

My thoughts are a jumble. I feel like I need a pensieve (from Harry Potter) to organize and peruse the events.

After the last post, I had so many people come by or offer help. I hate sharing my needs because I don’t want people to think we aren’t doing well. I genuinely feel so blessed. I feel guilty getting help when we have so much. On the other hand, I can’t turn down help when it is offered with such a joyful generous heart. I love giving. I feel like generosity makes life magical. It is proof that we are more than just machines that eat, drink, work, and sleep. Charity is a catalyst for the soul. It lifts up our hearts to heaven. I would never turn down a kind deed.

I share heartache and frustration not because I am asking for help though. I try to share in order to help others feel less alone. I know that many people suffer silently and feel like no one else gets it. And maybe my problems aren’t particularly common or we are nothing alike, but I find that in order to mourn with those that mourn, sometimes we have to share our trials in order to travail our paths together.

So the first thing I want to identify and articulate in this post about many things is my gratitude for those who shared their words, fresh bread, donations, and kindness with us during the past week. It was so sweet. We are surrounded by good people who take great joy in being good. I am truly inspired and I can’t wait to pay it forward.

Next, I want to share some of the blessings we’ve received this week. After a month of waiting for unemployment and child support, we had two deposits show up in the bank account this week. It was unexpected and it was such a relief. The hard part has been not immediately spending it on bills! Sometimes you have to just allow yourself to have a balance in the bank account and use some sense with paying bills. I don’t know if you are religious, dear reader, but I will tell you, we have been paying our tithing through these trials, and it is proving to be so good.

Another blessing was having Jaxon with us last weekend. He is such a light in our home. We just love him so much.

Last weekend was General Conference. My family isn’t great at just sitting and listening, but I asked everyone to at least watch Sunday morning. It was great to just be together in our home listening and taking in the talks and the music.

My brother Matt is visiting with us right now. Dan loves having him around. His son Liam has been playing at our house on Tuesday and Thursday this week. There is nothing so cute as a toddler and a kitty. Liam will hiss at the cat and say, “Mine!” And this black cat with teeth so sharp, and claws so ready to claw, will cower in fear under the stool. Toddlers always win in the animal kingdom. There’s nothing scarier.

We had a fun visit with friends at a big park this week. Liam ran everywhere and conquered the whole place in an instance, wearing us all out. Dan climbed up the rocks until he saw his good friend come to play. The two of them sat and talked and told each other jokes while they road the zip line back and forth. I had a great visit with her mother. Her mom is one of my favorite people in the world. She is so beautiful and talented. I just love that Dan is friends with her daughter.

Antonio continues to come home from work happier than ever. His eyes sparkle. I am so impressed with how much he loves hard work.

I auditioned for a play at Hale Centre Theatre in Sandy. I have auditioned and been called back several times, but I’ve never made it in a show. Maybe this time I’ll get in the show. Or not. As I get older, I am learning to enjoy every opportunity to perform, even if the only performance I get to do is at the audition or the call back. Being cast is too much of a crap shoot. There are too many unknowable circumstances. You have to enjoy what you get and trust that it will be what it needs to be. Performing in a show is a huge commitment. If you get in, you get a chance to perform again, but you’re also obligating yourself to months of work. Whenever I miss out on a part, I like to look closely at the good things that come into my life that I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy if I had been cast. Sometimes it’s a family trip, sometimes it’s time with friends. Something always arises that helps me to understand that how I spend my time is sacred and not getting a part is as much a gift as being cast.

I could go on. I will… but in other posts. I will try to write more often. It’s good for the soul.

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend!