Time

Have you noticed that time is different now? We used to make plans. We used to feel this obligation to fill our time with active pursuits. Now we ride this line between feeling guilty for not doing enough, and feeling guilty for doing anything. The laws and the mandates surrounding the pandemic aren’t there to force action, they’re there to allow inaction without guilt. I am sorry. I can’t make it to your party. The governor told me not to come. It’s okay that I’m staying home every night because the CDC has told me it is safer this way. It’s kind of wonderful to be given permission to slow down.

I’ve been listening to Sissel singing with the Tabernacle at Temple Square all week. I love when she sings “Slow Down”.

Last night, I spent time stretching my muscles in front of the television. I tried to count slowly and breathe through each stretch. Of course, I also wanted to play Angry Birds on my phone and watch the movie on Netflix. It wasn’t slowing my mind down at all. I felt like I was cheating the stretch and the moment as I continued to try and cram so much into the moment.

For me, slowing down means allowing time to just be. Allowing me to be within a moment. Allowing time to be without earmarking every moment. It’s like preparing a cauldron for a spell. I ready the vessel. I stand ready to blend the elements. And then I wait for the gifts of nature to climb into my pot and reveal the magic. If I fill my vessel with my own to do list, than there is no room for the gifts of nature.

I was taught that wasting time is a sin. If I don’t decide where and how I will spend my time, than nothing will get done. Time will pass without accomplishment. This is something I have been taught to fear and feel shame for.

The pandemic is trying to undo those lessons. It is trying to help us find peace in the empty pockets of time. And as we open our lives to empty pockets of time, God blesses us with moments we never would have been open to receive before. Perhaps loved ones beyond the veil will find a moment to share their love with us. Perhaps we will notice a new star. Perhaps we will breathe in a new song.

Let the cauldron of your time sit empty. See what magic comes to your life. Not every vacuum needs filling just yet.