Accidental Adult

I am so happy right now.

I am giddy.

I am gleeful.

I haven’t been feeling well for about a week. Aches, pains, lots of time in the bathroom.

(This isn’t the happy part.)

I decided to be an adult and call the nurse at my doctor’s office and see if I could get tested for a Urinary Tract Infection. That was some good executive functioning. High five me!

But that’s not why I’m gleeful.

I have been diagnosed as having ADHD or ADD. I forget which one. I met with a psychiatrist for a few hours and she explained that I have probably had it my whole life, and that I managed to succeed because I have learned great coping skills. (I also had a really good mom.)

One of the things that is difficult for people with ADHD is executive functioning, but not for others, mainly for yourself. I didn’t know that until my friend Andrea Fife explained that a person with ADHD has a difficult time completing an internal executive task. If it’s about me, I can’t do it. If it’s about work or about children, I’m really good at it. This explains why I manage a business and love doing accounting spreadsheets and accounts payable, and why personally, my finances are a mess. It was like an awakening when she taught me this about myself and how my brain works. I told her that it’s easier to accomplish something if I write it down, and she explained that this is because I’m externalizing the internal task. I externalize all over the place! I have quarter sheets of scrap paper lying all around my desk that I jot notes on. Without writing it down, the thought just swims in this giant overwhelming sea of thought.

But, I still haven’t explained my bliss.

I did what the nurse asked me to do. I came to the office this morning, peed in a cup, and the doctor called me for a telehealth conference over the phone. We had a great chat about how to treat my infection and he answered my questions. About ten minutes into our conference, I realized that I was going to need to set up an appointment to have my prescriptions for antidepressants and ADHD renewed. I began to get really nervous. I couldn’t remember the last time I had spoken with my doctor about these meds. My brain flooded with anxiety. I know I need the meds, but for some reason I feel nervous every time I need to renew the prescription. I feel like I’m an ADHD imposter and that one of these times my doctor is going to tell me no. And then I’ll cry.

Finally, I took a breathe and said, “Could I talk to you about renewing my prescriptions right now too?”

He said something like, “Let’s see, the last prescription was in November…”

I cut him off. “Oh! I just saw you in November? Oh I’m sorry. Wow. I totally forgot that.”

He continued, “We talked in September, and you have a prescription for September, October, and November, so you’re due to renew things.”

“Oh! It’s the right time? That’s so cool. I always lose track because I’m always scheduling my son’s appointments and refills because of his diabetes, and I always lose track of my own stuff, and I always forget to take my second pill in the afternoon, until it’s past 3, and I hate taking it after 3 because than I end up awake until too late, and that’s not good, so I end up with extras, so I can never tell if it’s the right time to renew it or not. And I–“

He interrupted, politely, “And is everything working out okay?”

I breathe. “Yes. It’s good.”

Pause.

“I don’t mean to not take the second pill. I just forget sometimes.”

He says softly and with a smile, “I’ll get the pharmacy your prescriptions. And let me know if you’re feeling worse on Monday.”

We go over the plan we discussed to help me feel better. I calm down. I thank him and nervously say goodbye.

I hang up the call and then this euphoria washes over me. Ridiculous happiness reaches into every corner of my body. Do you know how this visit usually goes? I call the doctor in a panic. “I totally forgot to call and renew these and I have been out for days and I’m having such a hard time. Can you please help me now? I know it’s Saturday afternoon on a holiday weekend, but if you get this message, please help me!”

I just talked to my doctor BEFORE MY MEDS RAN OUT.

It’s a Christmas miracle!!!

This is why I’m so happy. I ACCIDENTALLY ADULTED!! Sing it with me now! I ACCIDENTALLY ADULTED!!!

Some of you won’t get it. And some of you totally get it and your heart is filled with glee with me.

(For those of you who get it, I am going to gently remind you to check your bottles and your calendar and reach out to your doctor before the holidays are upon you. Just a gentle nudge in case you’re like me and forgot.)