Graduation

For five years, we took our baby boy to Heartland Elementary School. On his first day, he punched some kid in the face. About a week later, the principal called because they couldn’t find him anywhere. He was the cutest little guy. I told her that she would find him in the bushes making an amusement park for ants. And there he was. He was rearranging leaves and sticks so that any bug could come and have a good time at his little park.

Heartland is a Title 1 school and so they have extra counselors, funding, and the teachers and administration are especially savvy. The classroom sizes are smaller, and the principal advocated for hiring qualified aides so that the students had more one on one instruction. Dan became very close with the school counselors during his time there. He would meet with them at least once a week. They created daily contracts and he loved showing them his progress. With the help of teachers and psychologists at the school, we were able to get Dan diagnosed with autism. This diagnosis will prove helpful for him throughout his life. It has helped us to understand him better, and hopefully he’ll receive special consideration in college and at work so he won’t have to constantly prove his needs. For five years, despite his bad behavior, the people at this school worked hard to help him. We felt their love. We also learned to respect their training as educators, and they patiently took the time to train us to be better parents.

Last year, Principal Alger talked to me about sending Dan to River’s Edge School for kids who are like Dan. I knew he was nervous about my reaction, but I sensed how much he cared and I knew he was presenting a thoughtful idea.

I was raised with the idea that children should be allowed to be happy and to be themselves. We attended public school, homeschool, and private school, depending on our needs. I told the principal that our goal was to find a school that fit Dan, rather than trying to change Dan to fit the school. For the past year, the principal has told Dan over and over again that he is happy to have him as a part of Heartland, despite all the trouble, but privately we have discussed helping Dan to find the right place. Our biggest worry has been that in just one year, this little fireball is going to junior high, and those years are hard for the most neurotypical kids.

A few weeks ago, Dan tried to be funny. He broke a few laws in his efforts to be funny. In his embarrassment, he lashed out violently at a classmate. He never actually touched her, but the threat was significant and frightening for her. I love my child, but we want all the children at school to feel safe. We want all the parents to feel comfortable sending their kids to school. He is our cutie patootie, but that little girl was someone else’s cutie patootie.

As a result of the action, the principal had to suspend Dan and we attended a Safe Schools hearing at the district. Before that, the principal, counselors, and teachers arranged meetings to make sure his file reflected his special needs and how his actions fit within the perimeters of his struggles. He also arranged for Dan to have daily meetings with an online instructor. It was overwhelming because dealing with behavioral issues with a smart, cute kid is overwhelming. It was also overwhelming because I knew that these educators had 335 other kids to help and they were taking so much time to help our sweet baby.

At the Safe Schools hearing, the committee asked Dan questions and he answered honestly. I was so proud of him. They asked him what he wanted. He told them very plainly, “I want to go to a new school. I want a new start.” He began crying because he was so afraid he hurt his teacher and principal’s feelings. I followed up by thanking them for everything that they did to help him.

The next day, we had an LRE hearing. I finally found out that LRE stands for Least Restrictive Education. I have no idea why it’s called that. This particular committee determines if the student qualifies for special placement and special resources. We just went through this whole process, and I still don’t really understand it, but Principal Alger understood it, and we trusted him. Little by little, through different meetings and hearings, Principal Alger helped us to get Dan into River’s Edge School. Both Safe Schools and the LRE committee recommended that Dan be admitted into this new school.

This week, we came to pick up Dan’s things from Heartland and to say goodbye to his teacher and the principal. He was so quiet, but little tears rolled here and there. He hates goodbyes, but at the hearing he had plainly said that he was ready for a new start. This might have been one of the biggest signs of progress I’ve seen from him in a long time. This is the kid who cried when we traded out our old oven for a new one. He does not do well with changes or goodbyes, but he bravely made the best possible choice for himself.

Yesterday we visited his new school. He wore a Santa hat. We took a tour of the school and he was so happy. He guided us through the right doors and listened carefully. We could sense he was truly ready for this change. He whispered that he had already memorized the layout of the school. He gasped with joy at the computer lab. He was wiggly and bouncing with positive energy. He starts in January and he is so excited. We are excited too. He can stay at this school through high school if that’s what he wants. He has a place to learn, with friendly kids who understand his struggles, qualified teachers, and great technology. They even have a rock climbing wall in the gym!

I don’t know what we did to be able to attend such an amazing Title 1 School for five years, or how we managed to help Dan get into such a wonderful school going forward. I am so grateful today. Raising this child has been a challenge, but great educators have helped us to uncover so much joy. Good teachers do miraculous work for students, parents, and communities.