It’s Been A Long Time

Antonio and I were walking on the beach in Tijuana and he showed me a picture he snapped of me staring out into the ocean. It reminded me of the picture he took about six years ago that I put on the cover of my book. He said, “I took this because I think it would be a great cover for your follow up book.”

I sighed with exhaustion. I thought about writing again. I haven’t even blogged in ages.

I said, “I think I’ll just blog about life right now. It’s hard to write a book when the story is so ongoing.”

He replied, “Or you could do both!”

He was not getting it.

I opened up the blog for the first time and felt my pulse race a bit. The minute the blank screen opened and the cursor bounced on the screen, I felt my mind warm to the idea of writing again. Where to start?

Where I always start of course. In the present. Write about now. Eventually I’ll make my way back to the beginning of the new stories. But right now, I am here.

Here is typing at my desk at work, 6 days post op. Feeling tired and sore. Feeling all sorts of things.

I have to eat teeny tiny meals. I can’t NOT eat. The feeling of hunger and full are really similar. I have to set a mental timer to make sure I don’t forget to eat.

I am in a little bit of pain, but just on my left side where they inserted the drain. I was taking my pain meds every 6 hours, but it’s not so bad right now and I don’t want to take them anymore. I think it’s better to stop now. My lower back is hurting, but that’s kind of normal for me.

More than pain and hunger, I’m feeling tired. I closed a show and went to Mexico and had surgery all within a week. And along the way, I completely changed the way I eat food. My mind and body are tired. This is the first time I’ve had a chance to take a breath and realize the extent of what I’ve accomplished in such a short amount of time. No wonder I’m tired. I’m allowed to be tired right now.