Turning 30

Today is my 30th birthday.

There are certain aspects of this event that should trouble me.

I have vague memories of driving to San Francisco to visit my mother’s friend when I was young and realizing with horror that this friend, who was my mother’s age–(30) was SINGLE! It just didn’t play out in my view of the universe. People’s lives consisted of childhood, being young, and then getting married and having a family. Age without family was too much for my mind to handle.

This line of thought follows the same reasoning as when I thought the words “earth”, “world”, and “America” were synonymous. The “United States” was the name of the country, “of America”–meant “of the world.”

The whole world was one happy America!

Needless to say, time has educated me in both issues. As I watch my friend’s marry and enjoy that part of life, I don’t feel horrified at my single predicament. I recognize my advantages. I have a great respect for my married friends and the time that it takes to make that commitment work. Every time I want to relish some down time or alone time, I am grateful that I’m single. And although sex would be nice, sleeping in on a Saturday morning instead of making breakfast for excited toddlers is oh so sweet.

I don’t sit around and mope. I really don’t have time to even worry about it–which is probably why I’m not married yet. But on birthdays like today, it’s interesting to think back to where you thought you would end up.

I think if someone would have told me that when I was 30, I’d be teaching Philosophy of Ethics and American Experience to students from all over the world in Washington, DC–that I’d be working as an actor with Maryland Shakespeare Festival–and that I’d enjoy the company of talented, intelligent, and kind friends—I think I would have completely embraced that dream. But the fact is–that dream wasn’t even part of my vocabulary of ideas.

Which brings me to my random, round about point–I know now, better than I have ever known–that whatever will happen in my life is beyond my own limited vision. I know that I can hardly begin to dream the means to my end. I know that I am beyond knowing the future, and I wholeheartedly give up trying to figure anything out. I’m happy and everyday I will seek to bring happiness to those I love, and that’s all that ever mattered.